I removed our conversations, deleted your pics and bundled them away to a place where I don’t go everyday.
Cos I wanted to give myself time.
Cos I wanted to exorcise you outta my system.
Cos I wanted to be over you.
So I did give it some time, a few weeks actually.
Now that you don’t have a dp on your WA and I don’t open it a 100 times a day
I miss seeing you.
Since you haven’t sent any pic my way,
I decided to visit the folder where I tucked you away.
Where I have you among my dozen other friends.
I scour the thumbnails and spot your pic in the third row, second to the right
I open it. It is a picture from 6 years ago. When you were just another friend that I used to ping
I look at you smiling. I don’t feel a thing.
I smile and move on to another pic.
Pics you sent me from a different time zone.
When you and I no longer fit into any territory.
A period where beyond any ideas of wrong doing or right doing
We existed. Just you and me.
I see a pic of you in the car
just below your Adams apple, chest hair peeping over the top of your tee
For some inexplicable reason it makes my heart pound.
Reminds me of running my hands across your flat chest
Amazonia – I whisper.
Isn’t that what I called my favourite part of you
I move on to another pic of you, standing in an open field, squinting at the sun.
I remember how I call you kutti kannu.
Reminds me of our nights
Kutti kannu indeed. But eyes that reflect your soul.
Love, Lust, Tease, Adoration, Coldness, I have seen it all, in those eyes.
I see another pic of you, smiling.
My favorite smile.. the kind which made my heart melt.
Reminds me of the first time I held you by your cheeks.
Gave you a kiss, one on each side tracing your smile.
and told you I wish I could freeze your smile
I see a pic of you in your work tee
Reminds me of the first time I bared it all
With nothing except your black tee to cover my modesty
I see some screen shots that I saved
Of promises made , of love untold.
I now find it difficult to breathe.
I close the window and avert my eyes
I wipe away the tears that threaten to fall down my chin
Oh boy, I have been so strong
Every time an image flashes by my mind
Every time I want to say something to you
Every time I want to feel your strong hands on me
Every fucking time.. I have held myself back.
I don’t have the strength no more.
You are my glass of Long Island Ice Tea
Tall, Dark, Mysterious and incredibly sexy
But I can’t get drunk on you anymore
Cos whether I care to admit it or not, I am a recovering alcoholic
You are my dream but you shall also be the death of me.